The news about Fluffy isn’t good news. Her blood results showed that she is severely anemic. The vet suspects either a tumor or a blood disorder that the cells damage each other, known as an auto immune disease. I suspect the first, a tumor. I took Fluffy again this morning for X-rays on her chest and stomach and also a throat exam. They are also going to do a felv check. I don’t know why, the cat is sick why bother to find out if she has feline leuk, it won’t change her diagnosis. I left her there until this evening so they can do all the tests. So, here I am going to lose yet another cat. I just cannot believe this! I cried taking her to the vet this morning. I couldn’t hold my emotions in while at the vet clinic. All the girls working there were looking at me but I couldn’t help it, I love Fluffy. If I didn’t love her I wouldn’t have to cry now, would I? Maybe I am strange after all for having feelings, as some would say it is just a cat. The one girl came over and put her hand on my back and told me to try to remain positive until we see the results. Well you know that gut feeling you have when you know there is no hope that is what I am feeling. It is so hard to drive while you are crying. All my pets are wondering why I am sad and crying yet again. Lydia wouldn’t leave me alone and then Tigger kept coming up. Oscar kept meowing wanting me to hold him. Samantha, oh how I love that dog she knows when I am upset and it really bothers her that is so plain to see. I have to shake my head when some people say animals are dumb and have no feelings. If they didn’t have feelings or have the intelligence to recognize when someone is upset why would they try in their own unique way to try  to comfort you. Animals have feelings just like we do. I am such a mess right now. I was thinking while driving home from the clinic this morning why didn’t they just let me die when I was a baby, like I was suppose too. I am so tired of feeling sad………

I kind of forgot about this place 

How am I feeling?? Scared shitless and it’s over a cat but I have to add that I’ve been blue feeling as well since Friday. I wish I wouldn’t panic so much over such things but that is who I am. I just pray and hope that my dear Tigger is going to be ok because if something happens that Vet doc better run far far away ……. I have no faith here lately and I’m not sure why that is.  I suppose it may be a “phase” I am going through but my faith in people and certain things in general has just diminished. This bothers me!!

 Nothing new that I didn’t sleep  well again last night, is it?? Most of that I believe was worrying over Tigger. He seems to be doing ok. I haven’t noticed any blood anywhere today and I believe he is using the litterbox, though it is tiny urination’s spots that I am seeing. It is so hard to tell because of little Oscar. Giving the antibiotic pills to Tigger is a real chore. He scratched me hard this morning and spit the pill out and ran. Tonight I will be wrapping him in a towel so he cannot do that again. Tigger is a very strong cat. It is amazing the strength that cats have for being such tiny animals.

 I had my Oscar to the vet this afternoon to get his first vaccination. He seemed to me to be very nervous but according to the vet doc he thought he was fine and that he had a lot of confidence. He actually jumped the vet assistant and the vet doc when they came into the room. This little trait is annoying because he is doing to me as well. There is nothing worse then a cat jumping on your legs and up to your neck with diggers in tow. It reminds me of my first kitty Beauty. She used to do that as a kitten and I still have one of the scars from it. Oscar was a good little boy at the vet today. He is so gentle and loving and he purrs steady. I decided to take him in to see Gram, since she wanted to see him. Gram was very agitated today and not interested in Oscar at all. I asked her what was wrong and she remarked about having indigestion. I asked if the nurses gave her anything for it and she said yes but it was only Dioval. I chuckled to myself and said but Gram that is for gas and an upset stomach and she just rolled her eyes at me. She is in one of her “control moods ” today. I could tell the minute I walked into her room. When Gram doesn’t get her own way, look out! It doesn’t bother the nurses at all, they are so use to it and I bet that aggravated Gram even further. I can hear her telling her sister now on the phone tonight, they don’t care lol My dad showed up as well while I was there. I’m a little disgruntled today when it comes to my dad. He saw my new cat Oscar for the first time today and he rolled his eyes. Dad is not an animal lover. In fact, my dad sees animals as a complete nuisance, which really irritates the shit out of me because I really love animals and when I say animals I mean all animals on this planet. For heaven sakes I can’t even kill all the damn ants’ nests in my garden that are annoying the heck out of me. I even bought the Raid killer but I just can’t do it. Isn’t that nutty? Anyway Oscar was sleeping in his little cat carrier and of course Dad had to roll the cat carrier back and forth and disturb him. I made the remark that I know now where my brother gets his picking at animals from. I cannot stand someone tormenting animals. It drives me wild. Pets love us no matter what but some people just don’t clue in to that or what a special bond you can have with animals. I have always felt that if someone feels animals are a nuisance or doesn’t like animals at all that they are not in touch with nature at all. These types of people miss everything around them. It is the little things that brings smiles to your face, like a butterfly fluttering around your garden or a hummingbird hovering above your head. This is being in touch with nature and the beauty surrounding you. So many people miss that!!

I really need to get some sleep tonight. This not sleeping is affecting my energy levels again. I had a hard time getting up this morning and I harder time getting my housework finished this morning….Blah!

 I see my neighbours have arrived next door so I may walk over and visit them a short time tonight.

I am feeling stressed today. I was worrying about Tigger all night long so I didn’t sleep well and besides I was up way too late last night  researching on the topic of blood in the urine. I got up this morning, fed the dogs, went in the shower and then immediately called the vet. I got an appointment right away for 10.00am so I threw the laundry in the washer, fetched the dogs in the house and went my merry way. Tigger has Cystitis. The vet took a urine sample and it was all bloody. He doesn’t have any crystals, which is a good thing in his urine. I must say my Tigger boy was a good little kitty. He let the vet do everything with him and never did anything; he just laid there. My cats are so loving.  I was at the vet clinic for an hour and a half by the time everything was finished. So $239.83 dollars later, Tigger is on antibiotics. He has to eat different food formulated from the vet. Science diet I believe the name of it is. I am not really sure what it is called because it is still out in the car. I asked if all my cats could eat this food because having 4 cats roaming downstairs how do you keep them apart from eating? The other two cats are in separate rooms upstairs so there is no problem with them. I also was told today that I am feeding my cats incorrectly. You should feed your cats once in the morning and once at night. I always leave food out for them to eat all the time and none of my cats are overweight but according to the vet this is much healthier for them. Another thing you shouldn’t  do is feed your cat Whiskas dry food. I don’t know how many people have cats but if you feed them this type of food stop now. The vet said he has seen more cases of urinary problems with cats on this food then any other brand. I was shocked to say the least. I feed my cats two different brands and one is the Whiskas. So now all my cats will be feed once in the morning and once at night. Lydia is already looking for food. L When I arrived home my house was a mess. The dogs traveling everywhere throughout the house and me not being able to vacuum right away this morning it wasn’t fit for a dog to be in. I hate mess! It is so hot here today and I had all this cleaning to do plus clean out all the litter pans. I decided to put the cat beds down again for the cats to lay in. Mistake number 1, Tigger immediately pissed on every one of them. So now I have to wash them all over again. I went and mopped the floor up and what does Tigger do? Spread kitty litter all over my clean wet floor. I was in between the emotions of screaming and crying all at the same time. I really do need some rest because all of this is stressing me out. How long is Tigger going to be pissing on stuff?? Personally I think he may be just stressed over this new cat I have here and he is reacting in this manner by pissing over everything. I know he has the infection but he has two litter boxes downstairs. I also have to keep a close eye on him because this could kill him if there is an obstruction. This translate into not letting him upstairs at all, which means all four cats will have to stay downstairs now until he gets better. Oh Joy! I really have to monitor Tigger very closely because if the toxins from the urine are not being released it will kill him. This can get serious. I had a friend’s cat die from this very thing. So yes I am a tad on edge right now!

Remember my 4 rows of wood falling over yesterday and me remarking about how the earth must have shifted. Well it did in fact! It was on the news this morning there was a mini quake about an hour away from me. Could it have made the wood fall over? I have no idea!!

Cats!! We have another problem. One of my cats is peeing blood!! I found this out this morning when I walked out in the kitchen and smelled cat urine real strong. I went with my nose just a sniffing to find out where it was and sure enough it was on all the cat beds but on one of the cat beds you could see blood. I was in a panic. Which cat is it? At first I thought it may have been Fluffbuckets because she is older and acting a tad odd and then I thought Oscar, maybe the meds he was on, then Lydia because she is handicapped. Panic Panic Panic!!So here I am checking all the cats, who know whats lol Anyway tonight I found out for sure who it is. It is my Tigger. I watched him go to the litter box several times tonight and when he came out there was blood droplets on the floor. Now this could be caused by many things, stress is one of them, but tomorrow he is going to the vet if I can get him in.I need to know what is going on for certain! Does it ever end with my pets here lately lol

I think the earth my have shifted last night. This morning when I looked outside 3 tiers of my piled wood had fell over. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I then proceeded to check my other 4 rows and they look like they are going to fall over as well. Press Release. Kris doesn’t know how to pile wood worth shit and will not be piling it again. Hub can deal with it when he gets home!!

Today I cleaned upstairs and downstairs, did all the cat beds and dog beds and the blankets off the futon, this took up my entire morning. Noontime my mom arrived and that took up most of my afternoon. After she left I went out and took some more pics of my garden. I was too lazy to do anything else so I’ve been taking it easy and right now I should have my ass in bed!!

How am I feeling today? Hmmm tired , that would fit the bill.  I did too much yesterday for my energy level but that is me. I just have to get things done or I am not happy. Today I did manage to clean this place but I didn’t go overboard with it like I normally do. Screw it!! I don’t know why I feel  the need that I have to have things a certain way in order to be happy. It is just plain crazy. This is my house, if  some people hate dog and cat hair I shouldn’t care because  it is my house, yet I do care, I care too much. I always worry on the weekends that someone may arrive and heaven forbid there is something out of order in my house. I wish I could stop this foolish behaviour.The plans were to clean the house, top to bottom,  go outside, take the grass clippers and clip the grass where the mower can’t cut but right now it is so hot out that I don’t feel like going out.  The weeds in my flower garden need to be tended too  but it is just too hot. The house paint need to be scraped off for repainting . It is just too many things to be done  and my energy is zero today. I find when I am overtired and it’s really hot out I feel sick when  I am outside. I should just take a nap but then I feel so lazy and that feeling isn’t right. This  right here is my fathers behaviour. Don’t sit down , keep moving regardless of how you feel….  Funny how family traits & patterns carry on in children!

Today has been an interesting day . I woke up with a headache and couldn’t really do much other then the norm housework. I spent most of my day on the futon nursing this pain but also in deep thought. There has been changes in me. I have been noticing it a little bit day by day. I use to listen to music every morning as a teenager and that continued well into my early twenties  but then it all seemed to change. The very things I loved and enjoyed that had helped me stay grounded and content I was no longer doing. I never noticed that things were changing while they were occuring because life just seems to get in the way of that. Since I have been alone, a lot of the things that I “Use” to do I am slowly beginning to do again. One of these things is listening to music. Music has always been a big stress reliever for me. I have a song for every major event in my life. While listening to music I can relax. I can sing. I can dance. I can be myself. Music makes me happy. It makes my soul sing. It makes me feel alive. Most people don’t realize how much they begin to lose themselves because you are just too caught up in the moment of life. When one has time alone you begin to become yourself again. It doesn’t happen all at once but you begin to see the slight differences in yourself as the days go by. While listening to music I smile. It has been a long time since I smiled and actually really felt at peace. It has been too long!!

You know sometimes I almost feel like its best for me to stay away from the internet. This whole drama thing really gets a person down. I know it shouldn’t bother me because afterall it is not me this time in the drama mess but it does bother me because it is happening to an innocent victim who gave her heart and soul to someone who acts like she  has never done anything for her. How on earth can people be so cruel?? What is it exactly that they feel they are getting from hurting people?? I never feel good or beam with pride when I hurt someone. I feel awful about it even if I am in the right to be mean.  If someone is saying things to hurt me it takes A LOT for me to snap because it is just not in me to do that…. Hurting people is not what I am on this earth for.This whole drama mess has taken me right back to when it happened to me and that has been awhile ago and now the “WHO DO YOU TRUST ISSUE” is right back smack in my face. I hate it. I just hate it!! We are all human. We all have faults ……No one is perfect. Everyone deals with things in their own way so why can’t we accept those differences. Why can’t we embrace another persons differences and try to learn something from them? Why can’t we admit when we are in the wrong and say I am sorry ?Why is the truth so hard to reveal and accept? Why must we try to be more popular or try to take anothers power away from them??  When it really comes down to it, it makes no sense at all. You are only hurting yourself. I wonder if that is what they want or maybe even use to? Is it a pattern that makes them do this over and over again. I don’t know. All I do know is it is sad. It is sad when people get torn away from the things they once loved because someone feels they need to be center of attention. It makes me wonder if the person has any real feelings at all. It is really scary if you really think about it. I  know it is unrealistic to think everyone can get along in this day and age where anger and hate is the norm but can’t we at least try to be civil. Some people don’t get that somewhere along the way you may need that very person you are bashing and being so hurtful too and then what. That person will no longer be there for you.  The one who talked to you and gave you comfort while you cried. The one who supported you when you were down and out.  The one who listened when they had something else more important to do.. The one who stood up for you but you didn’t stand up for them and just left them  here hanging.The one who truly loved you!!You will be alone someday with no one on your side. That is the sad part!! Never take friendships or people being good to you for granted!!

I had a good day today. Last night I actually slept some for a change. I’ve been taking one Sinutab instead of two and I’ve been taking them before 5pm and no later then that. It seems to be making a difference.

I went to visit with Gram today. I was only up once last week and that was on a Friday evening because of this non-sleeping issue. She seemed to be in good spirits. Her friend from years past came into the room with us. She always asks me how I can stand my hair the way I have it. She keeps telling me to either pull it back or cut it short. LOL She claims I am hiding my pretty face. All I can do is laugh!! Actually it is a bit of a nuisance because it is always in my face and when the wind is blowing it blows everywhere.

The weather here is dismal again. It seems we have one sunny day and the rest of the week it rains. The temps are a tad cooler also. I guess its better then being in that heat wave they are having in the states!!

I ain’t settling for just getting by
I’ve had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain’t enough this time
I ain’t settling for anything less than everything

My new addition to the family is a barn cat. This was not at all planned as I wasn’t sure yet if I wanted another cat because I get so attached to them. A friend called me Saturday wanting me to go back and see all these kittens they had at the farm. They must have about 30 + cats which in my eyes isn’t so good because of health concerns. Most of them are super thin and they all have eye infections, fleas and among other things no doubt. Anyway when I ventured back to the 3 barns none of the kittens were very friendly nor were the adults. They have 3 barns and there are 3 different cat families in each one. We went back to the very first barn again and this little red cream coloured kitty whom wasn’t there the first time we went just instantly came up to me, This kitten would not leave me alone. It was purring and right lovable. We walked around the area some more and the kitten just kept following me. I said to my friend that is the one. I do believe cats pick humans, humans don’t pick cats LOL The kitten probably knew I was a sucker lol Anyway she/he is  in need of a lot of care. She/he, (not sure of the sex yet) has a nasty eye infection, fleas, not good for my other animals here :( and I believe mites in her ears though I’m not 100% certain of the mites. The odd thing is she/he is right at home here. I have never seen a kitten so at ease with everything being so new. It’s like its been here along. Odd!! I will have pictures as soon as this eye infection clears up. I’m going to try to get an appointment tomorrow at the vet and hopefully this kitty will be on the road to good health in no time. I worry about barn cats because you never know what they may have come in contact with, so I am hoping for the best but not keeping my hopes up to far either which I believe is being very realistic.

My Canada Day was a quiet one. I am very overtired. I’m going through another one of those none sleep patterns again. My hayfever is acting up big time and having to take those pills for hayfever seem to make me feel down . I know it is them for sure because about an hour and a half later I feel depressed but it could also be lack of sleep as well. Who knows!!